The database is down... again

Just got back from telling my boss that the workflow database is down again. I blamed the outage on Microsoft Automatic Updates. I waffled on about a conflict between the Windows 2003 Server essential security patch 1.5.667 and SQL Server 2000's natural language query engine until he managed to interrupt me to ask what we were doing to get it back online. He's a non-technical manager you see. He wouldn't know an essential security patch from an alt.binaries.pictures. erotica download.

In actual fact, we're still running a totally unsecured SQL 6.5 installation with the sa password set to blank. The management don't know that. Well, I wouldn't have got paid the overtime for that weekend I spent in Paris back in 1999 when I should have been upgrading to SQL 7; or got the all expenses paid week-long trip to Orlando, Florida for the "SQL server 2000 training course" in the Summer of 2001. I'm still thinking about what to pull for the SQL server 2005 upgrade.

Anyway, I told the boss I'd got one of the junior programmers on the phone to Microsoft and we should have it resolved within a couple of hours. Actually the programmer in question is always on the phone to Microsoft. He's using up his two free product support calls that came with his Visual Studio 2003 license. Initially he was just calling up for a lark, but when the answering MS PSS technician was a female of the species, he could hardly contain his excitement. What can I say, he's a computer scientist, just out of university, he doesn't get out much. Anyway, he managed to come up with a sufficiently vague initial query that it's become very difficult for the poor lass to close the case. I'm sure she must be considering taking legal action against the spotty little stalker.

You'd have thought I'd be stressed about the workflow database considering we have 500+ users relying on that server to tell them how to do their work, recording their time spent etc etc, but you'd be wrong. I'm not paid to get stressed. Actually, I should check the staff handbook on that point, I could be wrong. My first action on leaving the boss's office was to fire up the reception web cam - the new 18 yo blonde receptionist is a fox. Action number two was to start a blog - everyone else is doing it and it seems I'm rather behind the curve. For the rest of the afternoon, I think a marathon session of tardis tennis courtesy of the beeb is in order. It turns I out I am paid to do that rather a lot. Unintentional on personnel's behalf I assure you.

You see, the workflow database goes down quite a lot. I tend to blame Microsoft, BT, or a third party software conflict on rotation. Of course, it's never actually their fault. It's generally down to the crappy database programmer I was hired to replace back in 1997. There's no way I'm touching his code with a barge pole. I have standards! I wouldn't even inflict that on the spotty junior programmer who's wasting his efforts on the telephone voice of Microsoft product support.

Still, I'll reboot the machine in an hour or so and it'll be right as rain again. Got to do something to justify the lucre.